when i think life,it makes me wonder, makes me think, why. where and how should we live it? who will I be, will I matter, does it matter? at times everything looks like an illusion, it feels as though we're running after an illusion. All our dreams, wills, memories, were they are they all mere illusions? things seem really blurred and surreal right now.. perhaps thats why i like abstract paintings... everything is beautiful but yet so unreal...

attaining knowledge

I've decided for myself that my goal will be to obtain knowledge and not to run after money. I hope knowledge will help me obtain wealthiness, but money will not be my goal.


I just hope I wont be a pinhead with thick pockets. Pin heads and thick pockets dont really do that well, examples? just open your gossip magazine and you'll probably find many of them.

what have I learned so far this year

I was sitting in the washroom while taking a dump - yes, thats my throne of enlightnenment - and was thinking of writting a post about things that I have learned today. Nevertheless, as I finished doing business as usual and was walking out of the holysite, the inspiration was gone. Why should I write about my eurekas moments ? It wont make any difference in the end, will it? but if I think this way, nothing really makes sense, and nothing really wil. I wish Salomon was wrong, but everytime i think about things, i realise that everything is meaningless, and a lot of things are just vanity.

But anyways, this year i've realised that it is important to vote, and the person that you vote can really change the status quo. Of course I am talking about Obama. Look at what he is doing for example; Just so far he has approved bills that demanded the closure of that guantanamo bay prision, bills that promotes a greener enviroment, a just yesterday, he has whipped the asses of those wall street greety effers. Imagine, How would things be done if it was Mc Cain in power? Probably not very different. So back to my point, it really matters who you vote for.

I have more things In mind, but perhaps I'll post them later.

If I had seven lives,

Since i was really young, I've always heard that cats have seven lives, and to be honet with yah, I always thought this was just gibberish. However, these days, I've allowed myself dream into the idea of having seven lives. What would I do if I knew I would have seven lives ? - I asked myself. My answer was,

On my first life, I would be a surfer - I would live in the beach, wake up every single morning and surf the entire day!

On my second life, I would be an athlete. I would train hard since I am really young at a sport - i am thinking soccer - to try to become a top athlete and enjoy life playing soccer.

My third life I would venture myself to become a pilot. A rally race car driver to be more specific. Imagine how fun and thrilling would be to be a racer?

on my fourth life, I would be a world traveler. I would live to travel the whole world. The americas, asia, africa, europe, all the world! i would be a restless wanderer and live untill my eyes were satisfied.

on my fifth life, I would dedicate myself to music. I would learn an intrument and immerse myself into the art of making music. I would wanna be in a band! the kind of a band i dont really knwo but I 'd wanna be in one :)

And for my sixth life, to be very honest, I wouldnt really know what to do anymore. I would probably have figured out by then.

The last year I would probably do whatever I enjoyed the most on my previous lives.


It is an interesting thought experience to imagine yourself as having 7 lives. It makes everything that we pursue, or at least many of the things, meaningless. Why would I wanna become sucessful, or rich, waste the time suffering on something when I know I would have another life?

Perhaps people suffer because they think they have only one life. (do we only have one life? says who?) - perhaps if we had another lives, thigns wouldnt be so stressful. We wouldnt care so much with things that we care right now. I think we would be more relaxed and enjoy more. For we would have so many other years anyways, wouldnt we?

lately i've been finding myself thinking too nagatively about myself. Too often I see that I cannot do anything and am no good at anything. It is easy to fall into these thought pattern specially at times where you have not much to do, but at heses times is also when the greates realizations come by, well at least for me.

While I was struggling with my mind with this issue, I had to ask one of those hard questions. Have I tried hard enough?

I stop and think, and my conclusion is that I didnt.

I realize the unrationality of this mentality. How oculd I ever be good at something if I havent really tried? why am I bothering to think I am not good at something if I am not doing anything to improve?

One is good at something not only because he tried, but also because he persisted.

I cannot sleep, I cannot talk, i cannot voice myself, i cannot write, I feel crippled as to what I am capable of doing here. Things again seem so much bigger and unreachable ~ ahh i wish sleeping was just like a matter of switching myself on and off... why is it so hard to sleep at times?

The Analects of Confucius

Confucius said,

" if you set your mind on humanity, you will be free from evil"

Tzuchang asked confucius about humaniy.

Confucius said

"One who can practice five things wherever he at be us a man of humanity"

Tzu chang asked what the five are.

Confucius said,

"Earnestness, liberality, Truthfulness, dilligence, and generosity, If one is earnest one will not be treated with disrespect. If one is liberal one will win the heart of all.If one is truthful, one will one will be trusted. If one is diligent one will be sucessful. And if one is gnerous one will be able to enjoy the service of others"

Jesus, Confucious, Buddha and Plato

Has anyone stopped to think why these people of supposed great wisdom, who are usually venerated by many, has never really written a book or left their teaching in writting?

Confucius

"Amidst the four seas all men are brothers"

"The analects of Confucius"

Chi Lu asked how the spirits of the dead and the gods should be served.The Master said,

'You are not able even to serve man. How can you serve the sppirits?'

"May I ask about death?"

"You do not understand evne life. How can you understand death?"

my people, my home

people, friends and family, are like homes given by God, the more you invest on them the more confortable it gets. You only get what you can manage, if you go too overboard, your "home"may start getting rusty and dirty for it is too much to manage, but if your home fits you, it will be a clean and healthy enviroment. As they say, "less is more", and it fits ver weel this picture, the less friends you have, the more you can get from each of them. It's a trade off i believe. you can get a lot of friends but only have a superficial relationship with them, or you can limit yourself to only a certain amount of people and get to know them in a deeper level.

"get yourself toguether" - U2

You have to work within, before work out We need to be organized inside in our brains , only then we will be organized in what we do, only then our surrounding will be so.

Perhaps all the chaos we see may just be a tip of the chaotic minds of the people.

however, the problems is that when it comes to mind matters, self matters, what is it that is considered "organized" or "ideal" ? This is a hard question with perhaps no right answers, it maybe something one has to answer to himself.

(To be edited)

After a few hours of unsuccessful attempts of studying, I decided to pump some caffeine into my system, and as expected, it was much easier to read sentences without letting wandering thoughts control my mind. I wonder if I became a life-time caffeine-addict, I wonder if many are under the same influence of this magical drink.

And thanks to this miraculous beverage, the mcat biology section was finally finished, and my next plan is to take over the chemistry section. it will be a wild, hard fought and fun ride. Aja Aja I can do this!

My friend Laura is leaving today as well. I must admit that I could have had more memories with her here, but what we experienced was enought to leave good thoughts in my memories.
Her stay here will remain here cherished with nostalgic thoughts and smiles.

reflecting

Thinking back 4th year, I've just realized how at times your soul feels alone no matter how many people are around your. Perhaps, this happens just so we realize how the company of that special person is really special.

Right now today I feel free and safe on a way where there is no turning back. Yes, I am admitting that there is no turning back Life is fresh , the experience is new and all I can be about the future is to be optimistic. Things will be great, i will see, feel, learn, touch, hear many different things, I can sense it!

"Knowledge is Necessity. Change starts with knowledge. I can't emphasize this enough."

what do I really want

Goals, school, homeworks, essays, work, are all good things, we aim to reach the best, to perform the best, to attain the most, to have a better job, have a better car, have more money and etc, but are these all what we really want?

I'm starting to suspect that I never really wanted these things. Maybe, that's what society, people, tv, you name the devil, imposed that on us.

And if I try to think about what I really really want, i start to have some problems, because I really don't know.

Goals

It's been fairly well known to me that I want to get in shape, get into med school, be a beter person, get a ver nice and good looking girl, have a nice car, help others, and be great, however one thing i still struggle with, one question that keeps coming back, is the one of meaning. The meaning of all things, of why we do things, for what reason do we want all these things. THere are things I cannot understand in myself, this drive, this struggle for greatness, the desire for love, health, and kindess. I cant seem to get it.

Perhaps I shouldnt worry so much about why, and really start embracig all these drives and causes.

"studying"

I'm here at the library because I had to finish my essay on the comparisons between hindu women and buddhist women. YEs, the very same one i had to hand it in on november, but anyways...

One thing I've read today, just flipping through books, news papers and etc, is that we should keep our goals very short. It's easier to reach a few goals thant try to do so many at once, so I just decided to keep it short for 09. I will only focus on studying well to get my greatest grades ever, on eating properly, and exercising very, very intensively.

i have other stuff that I should improve on and those are: on communication with my parents, communicating with my cousin and grandma, and with my friends,

I have to also improve on saying the words thank you and please more frequently. It is the biggest sins of our time, we don't say them enough.

Also, i see a need for me to socialize more, and for this reason I will be more sociable this year. I will meet a quota of 10 new people each month for the rest of the year.

(how do I do that? should I go after people or connect people? as I once heard, "make the opportunity happen, dont just wait for it to come along" - perhaps I should really make it happen - I think that is the reason I am unwilling to change churches. Changing churches doesnt change myself, but changing myself may very well change the church =)

testing

just checking if the blog is working - new post coming very soon

montreal

hello my dear blogger,

I'm currently at montreal at the hilton garden inn. I came here with my parents through a korean traveling agency, and it actually feels as though i am in korea since everyone else is korean, including our guide. besides the pain I feel bc of my injury, thngs have been chillin. Mntreal is definetly a nice looking city and i definetly wanna come back during the summer -

I have got great expectations for 09. It will be a great year. I will make it a great year.